AWEFULL

This is what I always tell myself everytime I’m on the verge of losing my sanity coz of a lot of awful things happening in my life. Just like today. I am so frazzled that I  kept on frowning all throughout the day. Still, I thank God for the wonderful things despite being in terrible circumstances most of the time.

Even if I’ve been feeling bad about my job lately and I feel like I’m approaching my career’s downfall, it’s okay. At least I still have a decent job, thus, I earn. I have the capacity to pay for my bills, eat whatever I want, go on a retail therapy, party with friends and travel.

Even if my brother and sister always annoy me coz of my “sisterly duties” that are sometimes against my will, it’s fine with me. At least I have a brother and a sister whom I can turn to in times of trouble. I know they cannot resist me in case I seek help.

Even if mom and dad haven’t called for a long time now, it’s fine with me.  At least I still have parents and I know they love me even if they’re always busy to even check on me. I am still grateful that I have an awesome family.

Even if I’m always sluggish and going through sleepless nights coz of lots of parties, it’s okay coz it only means I have loads of friends who love my company. I know I will never be alone for the rest of my life.

Even if my lovelife is “zero” and I don’t have someone to call my significant other, it’s perfectly fine with me. At least for now I’m not experiencing pain caused by too much love and expectations that are not met.

Even if I always get home mad coz of having a maid who doesn’t seem to know a thing at home and sometimes triggers my blood pressure to go up, it’s okay. At least I am not alone at home. I can still get help (even just a little).

So, when you think you are a loser and everything doesn’t seem to happen the way you want them to, look at the bright side – COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. And thank God.

When you’re famished and you’re in a big mall with lots of restaurants to choose from, you’d get overwhelmed that will only make things worse for you. It would be confusing on where to eat, plus most of them are either fastfood chains or jampacked.

That’s what happened to me yesterday after a day of shopping with my “sister-out-law” so I suggested that we try the “unusual”. Those restaurants that both of us aren’t fond of dining at (and those with less customers)

I saw Kaya (Korean Restaurant) so we just decided to eat there.

I don’t eat kimchi. I eat Korean BBQ. I eat Bibimbap. But there’s this one meal that caught my attention.

Talangkanin (Aligue Bibimbap)

If you’re familiar with “Only You” on ABS-CBN starring Angel Locsin and Sam Milby (that Pinoy version of a Korean series of the same title) this meal was “invented” there. It’s like the usual Bibimbap with a twist coz they put shrimps, squid and some other seafood that I didn’t bother to check. The rice is mixed with aligue (taba ng talangka).

I enjoyed this coz I love seafood (though I’m allergic to it), it’s tasty and not that spicy (coz I’m allergic as well to spicy food). If you want to spice up your bibimbap, try putting condiment.

Just a warning though, they served it so hot that I was already starving to death before I was able to eat it. 30 minutes and the food was still hot. My tongue almost gave up. Hahaha!

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Kaya Korean Restaurant
GF Megamall Bldg A
Ortigas Center, Mandaluyong City

People say, the one that got away is “that person in your life with whom everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong.”

I didn’t buy that before coz I believe that there is no right or wrong time for people who are in love. But then again, with what I (and my friends) have gone through in the past, I realized that yeah, sometimes love just ain’t enough.

And one factor to consider is “timing.”

A few days ago, somebody (he was using a landline) called my business phone and I actually believed it was my friend whom I was talking to coz they have the same voice. He kept on bugging me and I told him I was busy that day that we had to end our conversation. He obliged but asked for my email address. I even got mad at him for asking me that (til then I made myself believe that he was David, my friend) for the nth time. Before we said our goodbyes, he told me to wait for his email coz it would surprise me. But I just thought that maybe it was just a business proposal or referral (David and I have the same work)

When I opened my email, I saw a message coming from a familiar name, a very significant person in my past and the message goes like this..

“It was nice hearing your voice”

I was really really embarrassed coz all the while I thought it was really David whom I had conversation with over the phone earlier that day.

It was my Little Drummer Boy, the one that got away. My first love, the first one who swept me off my feet and the first to teach me a lot of beautiful things. The first guy who broke my heart.

We were never a couple coz of one thing — TIMING. He wasn’t ready to commit at that time coz he he wasn’t yet over his ex girlfriend of 5 (???) and being a teenager that I was, I also believed that I wasn’t yet ready to commit and be in a serious relationship.

I know most people would oppose coz they probably think that isn’t love enough to get into a relationship? I’d say NO. Coz if a person is not yet ready, it would just be a disaster. Since relationships entail “responsibility”, if one party doesn’t meet what is expected, the other one would be disappointed and that’s where misunderstandings and quarrels arise. Sometimes it’s better that we know how to manage expectations. Less expectations, less disappointments.

But we enjoyed being with each other. I had fun and at the same time I feel loved. But I lost him one day due to unforeseen circumstances. Since then everything changed and we didn’t hear from each other often. That was around a decade ago.

We grew apart. We both mature as we went on with our lives and as we go through wonderful and painful experiences in the past. When we both became ready, we already lost each other.

I lost him coz he got a girl pregnant and they eventually got married. But I’m certain it wasn’t out of love.

We went on communicating with each other since that phone booboo experience but I vowed to myself that I won’t be meeting him anymore (but he’s “stalking” me on Facebook, Multiply and most probably, this blog. hahaha!). I’m afraid that if I do, I will ruin my life by committing with a married guy (though he’s not happily married and already “separated”) coz I cannot deny the fact that I still love him  though I already loved a few men after him. I guess it’s true that first love never dies.

Oh well, maybe somewhere, in the alternate universe we would meet again. Know each other again. Fall in love again. Everything will fall into place. And we’ll live happily ever after.

Radio’s fine, it helps me forget for a while… blah blah blah..

Nah, that song is just too cynical for me. I ain’t bursting my emotions like that anymore. Like it will never be the same without him?

I must admit, during the first few weeks after the break up I was looking forward to a whole new world, a world full of angst and days of loneliness. But as days passed by, I realized it could be otherwise.

I am now relishing the wonders of being free.

One form of liberty that I take pleasure in at the moment is the freedom from anger. In fact, until now I still couldn’t believe that I will learn to forgive someday. And that someday is now.

Yes, I have already forgiven those people who inflicted pain on me, including Dr. Doom and that girl (who, our friends said, resembles my physical features). In fact, I saw them together again last week. I didn’t expect them to come coz it was already late, but they showed up.

It was funny coz when it was time to party and everybody gone wild (including myself.. haha!) I saw myself dancing the night away and chatting with the doctors from St. Luke’s (yes, they are their friends who became my friends too when Dr. Doom and I were together). They asked if they can still invite me out to gimmicks and parties and I said I don’t know, I’m fine with that. I just don’t know if they have issues on it. Perhaps I could do it, ONLY if we are in the same bar (like those bars that we all frequent) but not really going to their “territories“. I know the word RESPECT, mind you. We were laughing and they kept on teasing me about how creative and cheesy I was in giving DD presents. They were even telling me how DD looked stupid everytime he shared “kilig” stuff. Hahaha! Too much information, I guess. Anyway, what’s even funny is that the girl was dancing with my friends! Richie and GB (my guy friends) were “robot dancing” when the girl joined them and started “robot dancing”, too! The next day, when I tried to refresh my memory on what happened that night, I was laughing while telling my superfriends that “parang nagkapalit kame ng barkada. Pumarty ako sa barkada nila, sya naman nakisayaw sa friends ko” Hahaha! I still couldn’t believe it could happen. It wasn’t a surprise to Amae, though.. coz she knows that being civil (up to the point of being friends) with the girls who broke my heart is one talent that I couldn’t explain. In fact, the day after that, my Facebook status says:

.. to which my bestfriend reacted, “ang kulit talaga ng love stories mo, laging may drama and twists”

I know they are happy being together. I can see it. I saw it. And who am I to mess up their happiness? I just let it be. I know pretty soon I’ll be happy, too. Oh well, I am happy now.. it’s just that I know I can be HAPPIER.

Anyway, you know you’re ready when you already let go of hatred, right? When you learn how to forgive. I have already forgiven them, thus, I know I’m ready. To be with someone again. To love again. To be loved again.

**But being ready doesn’t mean I’m already falling for someone else ha? I’m ready but I haven’t met someone who would sweep me off my feet again and make me feel like a queen.

It’s very seldom that I repost articles I read over the internet coz I wanted this blog to be as personal as it can be, that only my thoughts and experiences can be seen here but I can’t help but post this letter that a friend sent me via email yesterday.

It was written by Cathy Babao-Guballa’s daughter that she included in her column at inquirer.net.

I reposted this because of several things:

(1) It amused me coz for a young woman like her, this letter is very sensible.
(2) It made me shiver, coz what she wrote probably has happened to some of us in the past (or will happen in the future).
(3) This letter is also a reflection of my thoughts. Just as she is, I am hopeful.
(4) This may serve as inspiration to us, women. Just like what Cathy said, “Even if your heart has been broken a few times, you can always put the pieces back together, and make it right the next time around.”
(5) I have the same sentiments. I can’t wait to fall in love. AGAIN.

Here goes the letter.. happy reading!

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Dear You,

I will admit that sometimes I really do wonder if you exist.

There is a part of every little girl’s heart that envisions her prince charming. At age three, it is usually of a man who can save her from the wrath of an evil stepmother, wake her from eternal slumber or give her that true love’s kiss.

In elementary school, he becomes the boy with the least cooties, the one who’s willing to cross the playground to share his Oreos even if it makes him a target for the week of all the other boys.

Come high school, it’s that boy you stand with at prom, who your father stared down at the door, who provided you with an experience complete with photos you will cringe at a decade later, a corsage that yellows in the refrigerator, and a faded memory of a night that seemed almost too magical to be real.

Nineteen years into this life, however, and still unwilling to give my heart away, I am still that same little girl who hopes for her prince charming. And although I wonder why it has taken you this long to sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to your palace on horseback, I know that it is probably because meeting you will be better than any fairytale I could’ve read as a kid.

A couple of heartbreaks and a few years wiser though, I will admit that there are times when I question your existence. Because I have yet to meet the guy who makes me hear songs like “All My Life” or “A Whole New World” in my head when I see him does not mean I don’t hope that it’ll ever happen.

I may already know you or may still meet you someday—something I leave completely up to God because I’m pretty sure our story will be epic.

However, I can’t promise you that I’d make the world’s most perfect princess. In fact I’ll probably keep you on your toes and amuse you with my eccentricities—there are a lot of them. I’ll probably steal a bunch of your T-shirts and turn them into shirt dresses, or drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar constantly.

I can promise to be your best friend however—that person you can rant to after a rough day, the hand you can hold when you get sad, or the person you can text when situations get awkward.

I’ll probably mess up your hair sometimes and hug you for too long, but that’ll only be because I absolutely adore you. I’ll bury my head in your shoulder during scary movies and make you feel like superman when you kill those flying cockroaches that really shouldn’t exist. I’ll cook your favorite food on your birthday and try my best to make friends with your mom.

I’ll respect your nights-out with the boys and make you seem like the perfect guy to my barkada. I’ll watch basketball or soccer games with you, and not complain when you cheer too loudly at the TV set.

I’ll know the difference between giving you space and being constantly there for you—even if it means sitting and playing video games with you or taking hot chocolate runs when it rains.

I’ll listen to your music and we’ll go on epic adventures together—seeing the world, taking awesome pictures, eating awesome food, and never running out of things to tell each other along the way.

I won’t be waiting for you to sweep me off my feet and take me on a magic carpet ride, because I know I won’t need anything like that to fall for you—I will love you for you.

You will be that someone to make goofy faces with in pictures, to lace fingers with when I’m lonely, and to take long walks under the stars with on the beach.

You’ll be the guy who takes me the way I am—and will laugh as I burst into Disney song or pick out pink wallpaper.

You’ll be that someone I envision a future with—us filling out visa forms as we travel the universe, picking out our first dog together and arguing about what to name it, or being snap-happy stage parents in our preschooler’s annual mini-plays. And I keep hoping that maybe someday when we find each other, you will become that someone whose smile I wake up to in the morning and the last one I speak to every night.

So to the man I know does exist, and who will help me maybe make sense of the world someday, this man I can’t wait to love. Please know that I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. But for now, I wait. Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope that you’re out there somewhere, waiting for me, too.

With the hope I will be yours for always,

Me

———–

Article taken from HERE.

After our zipline adventure, we headed off to Metrowalk to have dinner and some booze at Elbow Room.

pantawid gutom

It was just a simple night out yet meaningful coz I was with my supahfriends.

Jimmy, AJ, Noelle, AC, Lei, Mae, Wal

Che, AC, Lei, Amae, Mae, Wal

What I love about this night is that we were not supposed to go out anymore coz we already did the zipline and some of them were already with me the night before so I thought they were already tired to go out.

Che and Amae just came back from their respective provinces as well. But they didn’t forget to drop by Starbucks and bought me a cutie cake. Hahah!

I feel so blessed to have a lot of wonderful friends like them (at the same time I feel sad for my wallet/bank account coz I had to celebrate not just once, but several times.. haha! )

Nevertheless, it was a happy birthday for me!

For my birthday this year, I wanted a different kind of celebration. I was supposed to celebrate it with the less fortunate kids in an orphanage or something like what I did last year, a Jollibee birthday party with the kids of Gawad Kalinga. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to arrange the party coz of some personal issues that I had to deal with (if you know what I mean).

So to stick with my plan to celebrate in a different way, I decided to try this new zipline in Quezon City. I asked my friends if they can join me and good thing, they also wanted to try this except for Amae who’s not ecstatic at the thought of adrenaline rush and the likes.. (she’s just so into glam.. see, we’re so different from each other).

On my birthday (August 1), we went to Zoom Treetop Adventure in Circulo Verde in Quezon City (near Eastwood). If you’re familiar with the Treetop Adventure in Subic, they’re of the same company.

Since I already tried doing the usual (like Superman or flying flat on your stomach) style in Tagaytay and in Ecopark, I tried the Silver Surfer.

We decided to have it done at night coz I wanted to see the city lights from up in the air.

First, they put on the harness and other safety gears. They were very meticulous in putting them on, ensuring safety of their customers.

Then the helmet. Then they’d ask you to stand on that iron thing below (I don’t know how to call those grills.. haha!)

\

Time to let go!!!

Amae volunteered to be our photographer at the other end. Below are my pictures taken by her.

I didn’t care about how long I was hanging or how many times I went back and forth screaming. All I know is that it was exhilarating and fun… and “bitin”.

I want more. Perhaps, next time I’d go bungee jumping…. and skydiving? Hahaha!

A cool way to celebrate my birthday, isn’t it?

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Zoom Treetop Adventure is located at Circulo Verde, Quezon City (open from 2PM to 10PM everyday)
Superman costs PHP400 per trip while the Silver Surfer costs PHP300.