AWEFULL

This is what I always tell myself everytime I’m on the verge of losing my sanity coz of a lot of awful things happening in my life. Just like today. I am so frazzled that I  kept on frowning all throughout the day. Still, I thank God for the wonderful things despite being in terrible circumstances most of the time.

Even if I’ve been feeling bad about my job lately and I feel like I’m approaching my career’s downfall, it’s okay. At least I still have a decent job, thus, I earn. I have the capacity to pay for my bills, eat whatever I want, go on a retail therapy, party with friends and travel.

Even if my brother and sister always annoy me coz of my “sisterly duties” that are sometimes against my will, it’s fine with me. At least I have a brother and a sister whom I can turn to in times of trouble. I know they cannot resist me in case I seek help.

Even if mom and dad haven’t called for a long time now, it’s fine with me.  At least I still have parents and I know they love me even if they’re always busy to even check on me. I am still grateful that I have an awesome family.

Even if I’m always sluggish and going through sleepless nights coz of lots of parties, it’s okay coz it only means I have loads of friends who love my company. I know I will never be alone for the rest of my life.

Even if my lovelife is “zero” and I don’t have someone to call my significant other, it’s perfectly fine with me. At least for now I’m not experiencing pain caused by too much love and expectations that are not met.

Even if I always get home mad coz of having a maid who doesn’t seem to know a thing at home and sometimes triggers my blood pressure to go up, it’s okay. At least I am not alone at home. I can still get help (even just a little).

So, when you think you are a loser and everything doesn’t seem to happen the way you want them to, look at the bright side – COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. And thank God.

After our Oakwood breakfast, we headed off to the hospital to visit my newest nephew, Gabriel Archangel Mangilin Lazaro (Gabee). My sister gave birth to him on July 23 before the clock hit midnight.

Gabee

Gabee

My supahfwends accompanied me coz they also wanted to see Gabee and his Kuya Mikee (Michael Archangel, now 2)

Kuya Mikee & Gabee

Mikee & Tita Che

Mikee & Tita Amae (his crush)

Prior to visiting Gabee at the nursery, we had a little playtime with Mikee in his Mom’s room. I just noticed that Mikee became more papansin than before. I guess kids also have instincts; probably he was thinking that he is no longer the baby in the family so he had to double his effort to get everybody’s attention.

See, maglalayas na yata sya..

But you know, he need not do that (making papansin).. coz he will always be our baby. I will forever adore him, the same way as I adore Gabee and Chelsea.. and also the soon to be born Marcailah (my brother’s daughter)

Sweet Love

My nephews/nieces are my happy pills. They wipe away all the irritation I feel toward my siblings (yes, I always get mad at them for some personal reasons)

I also want to have my own kids someday. When the right time (and man) comes… But for now, I’ll just settle with my nephews/nieces. After all, practice makes perfect (I’ll be a good mom someday, promise)

This is supposed to be a Father’s Day letter for you but unfortunately, I’ve been busy with work and a lot of things on the side that I failed to write something for you on your day (aside from the fact that I’ve been preoccupied with personal stuff and emotional struggles).

I am really sorry that I wasn’t able to send you something special on Father’s Day like I used to when I was younger. I can still remember how I would spend time browsing the net looking for the best E-Card for you, or even construct my own sentences or design a card for you just to show you how much effort I could exert just to let you know how happy I am that you are my father.

But Father’s Day had passed and the only thing that I was able to give you was an SMS that says “Happy Father’s Day”… I’m sorry.. I’ve been so down lately that I forgot my own family. That was so negligent of me, I know.

I miss you so much. I hope Mom won’t be able to read this coz I miss you more than her. Though I didn’t grow up with you and never really spent much time with you, I miss you. Probably because I have been going through a lot with regard to men in my life — yes, I am talking about lovelife.

I felt the need for you when you called a few weeks ago asking how things are going. You asked me why my voice was soft (coz you’re used to hearing my high pitched voice) and trembling. I told you I was fine. You asked me why I seemed sad. I told you that I was sad. Again, you asked why. I just answered you that I was sad coz “wala lang, malungkot lang.”.. You kept on asking me why and I just said “kase malungkot talaga…” I even explained that it was because I have no one to talk to at home.

Little did you know that I was in pain. I didn’t tell anyone. Not even Mom, not even Ate or Mako. I didn’t want you to feel the pain that I was going through at the time coz I knew I can go on with my life on my own.

You didn’t know how much I wanted to cry, how much I wanted to tell you what I was going through.. but I was so shy coz we were never really close. If only I could turn back the hands of time, I will. I’d go back to the time when I was young and not afraid to tell her parents how things were going on in her life.

Remember when you came home last year? It was your birthday. I am very sorry for not being there at the airport to pick you up along with my siblings. I am sorry for not being there on your birthday. I told you I was at a conference out of town. But the truth is — I was with Nace in a town far from Manila. I chose to be with him than celebrate your 50th birthday with the rest of the family. Oh, the things you do for love. I hope you’d forgive me. I know you will.. coz you understand the power of love.

I’m crying now while I’m writing this entry. Coz I really miss you and Mom. If only I have the courage to let you know how I feel about things, I will.

I do this because I want to spare you from all the pain that I feel now.

I remember you now coz I envy my Mom for having you in her life. You are my ideal man, I hope you know that. I have always been looking for you in every man that I meet. In every man that enters my life.

When I was growing up, I tried to know you better through our relatives. I searched for your flaw. I even asked around, even to the point of interrogating Mom’s family about how you were before when you were pursuing my mother. I got nothing but praises for everything that you’ve done for my mother and our family. I didn’t even hear anyone telling bad stuff about you.

I admire you for all the sacrifices that you made for our family. Even up to the point of living away from us. And I’ve been dying to meet someone exactly like you. That explains why I’m so into older men — coz I want a father figure. Not that I want to replace you in my life, but I want someone who can take care of me like the way you took care of me and my siblings.

When can I find someone like you? Are there still few good men out there? I’m losing hope. Really.

I miss you so much.. Please come home soon. I wanna show you my new tattoo — and I hope you’d forgive me for getting one.

—————-

Sorry, readers. Emo moments again. I just miss my family.

It’s official — my younger brother will tie the knot in January 2011.

It’s going to be a simple beach wedding, with 75-100 guests to witness the event.

Since I am the only one in the family who has been into events and wedding planning/coordination, I’m helping out in minimizing the cost (I don’t want to see my Mom & Dad cry — not because their unico hijo is about to leave them, but because their bank account is damaged.. ). However, most of the weddings that my friends and I planned were costly (like they got the service of Wally Gonzales, MangoRed, Jason Magbanua, etc etc) so I have very limited knowledge when it comes to suppliers with reasonable prices.

I have a videographer friend and he recommended some of his partner photographers to cover the event. But of course, we still need to have other options.

Dear friends/co-bloggers/readers, I would appreciate it if you can help me on the following:

• photographer

• videographer

• wedding rings (Mom said she will buy in Japan but my brother told her it’s expensive there so dito na lang sa Manila)

• gown (I know a few but they’re so mahal)

PS: My brother is not yet working so all of the expenses will be shouldered by my parents. I would really, really appreciate it if you can help me with the suppliers. Lalo na yung mga kinasal na jan (Kaso Ape di ka makakatulong pala sa kin, shallah nga pala ang wedding mo.. di mo yata alam ang mga CHEAP suppliers eh hahaha! )

My baby brother is such a sweetie… He’s rubbing it in. Hahaha!

NOTE: He’s going to be a dad come September. Also, my sister is giving birth in August.

Don’t get me wrong, I wanna be a mother someday. But now, I am not ready as I have yet to meet my “sperm donor” slash hubby to be (if fortunate enough, why not?). What makes me laugh is that even my family seems to be losing hope on me having a real relationship and settle down soon, hence, the line “pag nagkababy ka, may clinic na si ate at ako nasa malaking eroplano na” (my sister is yet to finish her specialty in Pediatrics and my brother is a student pilot) So, they’re still counting a few more years before I finally settle down? Hahaha!

After losing someone I really loved, you know what’s even more painful?

Fighting alone.

I miss my Mom, I miss my Dad, I miss my sister, I miss my brother.. I miss my yaya… I miss my backbone.

———————-

(It’s really hard to live alone. Eto.. titingala na naman ako sa kisame hanggang sa dalawin ng antok.. )

As some of you know (most especially those who have been reading this blog for more than a year now), I love Jollibee. In fact, last year I celebrated my 25th birthday (my bestfriends’ birthday as well) with the kids of Gawad Kalinga-Payatas in Jollibee Don Antonio, Quezon City (click HERE for the story).

This year, as Mikee turns 2, his Mom (my sister) decided to celebrate it in Jollibee. The nearest and the nicest branch that we know is Greenmeadows.

Celebrating Mikee’s birthday in Jollibee was a good idea for me. Aside from the fact that I enjoy Jollibee parties, it meant lesser work for me. Mikee’s 1st Birthday was a pain-in-the-ass for me. Hahahah! Joke! Kidding aside, it was tedious coz we celebrated it in a big place and arranged the party from scratch. I had the niggest responsibility at that time (from doing the invites up to supervising the decors and coordinating with the suppliers on the day of the party).

So there, Jollibee party for Mikee’s 2nd birthday. It was fun but quick. Sweet but short.

Below are some of the pictures from the party.

Mikee & Chelsea -- our two little angels

Little Rascals

Awwww.... Mikee & Mommy

Mikee, Mommy & Daddy with Jollibee, Popo and Hetty (I know, my sister doesn't look like me)

Sabi "a round of applause for Mikee", ayun pati sya pinalakpakan sarili nya

Birthday Cake

He knew how to blow the candles

Kinuha nya glasses ko and wore them

Feeling matanda

PS: Talagang nahuhumaling ako kay Jollibee, tulad din ng pagkahumaling nya sa akin dati. (click HERE for the story)

Ganyan ako ka-sweet

Bagay naman kame diba? (wag nyo na pansinin ang tiyan ko, alam kong lumaki ng bonggang-bongga.. haha!)

tambok tambok!!!

April 4, 2010
Jollibee Greenmeadows
Quezon City