AWEFULL

Fresh from a friend’s departure, I am still feeling a lil bit down lately. Problems are coming in and I couldn’t comprehend things anymore. Even my hormones add up to this gloomy feeling. I hate the first week of the months.

While our friend passed away, Ditzy Diner had its final run last 29th. This used to be our second home and Tweetums (RIP) was once a jolly patron, and an enthusiastic part of audience of our comic friends performing there. I’m sure gonna miss Ditzy. And I’m missing our dear friend, Richie, who used to be one of the sweetest and cheerful comic friends of mine, he is apparently losing his old self when he lost his ladylove (who wouldn’t?). Anyway, we are still conceptualizing something that could be our haven, our next Ditzy. I hope as well that my friend will soon be back to his real self. Someone who’s funny even not performing onstage.

In another aspect of my life, I’m sad for my beloved. Dr. Love has been down lately because of a lot of terrible things happening. Apart from being exhausted from his 24-36-hour duty almost every other day, his Mom is sick. According to him, she was diagnosed with liver cancer a few years ago but eventually got better after a series of treatment. However, just a few weeks ago he told me his Mom’s health is getting worse. Her lungs sometimes get watery caused by lack of protein due to liver damage, or probably got infected (as per his medical explanation to me). Last week she became his constant patient. In the hospital and even at home. In fact, he went home to his family yesterday in Taytay (he seldom goes and stays there) to personally take care of his Mom and try to prevent her lungs from becoming watery again by checking on her hour by hour. These are the times that I admire him for being a family man, for being a good son, and for being a wonderful person.

The problem is, he cannot break the news to his Mom, he cannot tell her that the cancer cells become active again.. coz he’s afraid that he might ruin his Mom’s cheerful disposition nowadays, aside from the fact that he’s happy seeing his parents’ happy moments as a couple, like going out and enjoying life. He doesn’t want to spoil the fun. When we talked about this, I advised him that he better talk to his brothers and Dad just so he can have other people share decision making tasks with.

This explains why we haven’t seen each other for a week now. I genuinely understand. Sure, I miss him a lot. But I know that family should come first. And his family needs him now more than I do. Anyway, I know in time he’ll get through this and eventually get back on track. Good thing, I am a very independent woman so he doesn’t have to worry about me getting mad. Like I say, I truly understand.. and I sincerely pray that his Mom gets better. I’m just glad he always expresses how grateful he is that I’m always “here”.

Another thing that bothers me is my brother. Just a few days ago I posted a story on his recent break up, the one with my sister-out-law #2. What surprised me is the “breaking news” that I got from my sister, his new girlfriend is pregnant. That was so quick. Honestly, it didn’t excite me as much as my Ate’s pregnancy did. Perhaps due to a lot of problems attached to it. Still, I welcome the baby with all my heart. After all, that is still my brother’s child.

The pregnancy isn’t really the problem (of course, the baby is God’s blessing) but the impact it might cause our family and the people around us.. terrible things started to happen lately and I think it would be too much if I share them here. It’s a very delicate matter and I can only say that it bothers my family and I.. almost haunting us every now and then.

Even if it was my brother’s fault (like what people say), I believe that he did the right thing by breaking up with someone who doesn’t make him happy anymore. We all deserve to be happy and hanging on to something that won’t ever succeed is like prolonging your agony. He might be bad, but he was real.. and it hurts to see my brother suffer. Yeah, he broke someone’s heart.. but he doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. It hurts me as well that Mom and Dad cannot find peace that they deserve, even they are away I know they have been bugged by those circumstances. And I hate it everytime my father thinks too much coz he becomes so emotional. I hate it whenever he’s hurt. And I hate people who don’t know how to think objectively.

That’s it. Thank you, I was able to vent out.